smile pretty and heal the world, now.

Generally speaking, I am all kinds of opposed to pageants.
(*I am NOT in the picture above)
Yes, it's true that I won second place in a most-beautiful baby competition in 1982. And I may have participated in Bakersfield's Junior Miss program in 1998. I'll just throw that out there. Fortunately, the CompTron girls were much more of the talent show/piano recital/dance competition breed than the pageantry type, so there was little danger of getting mixed up in any kind of serious vapidity.

My eyes glaze over as I nod sympathetically. Yes, let's make the future brighter, let's make this world a better place.

But, for all the superficial, hollow posturing that comprises most of these apocalyptic displays, it seems that there do exist at least a handful of pageants that actually attempt to contribute to meaningful social change. I propose the following:

MISS LANDMINE ANGOLA "Everyone has a right to be beautiful."
Organizers say they want the pageant to restore the women's pride and raise awareness about the prevalence of landmines left over from Angola's three decade-long civil war. Undetonated mines still maim 300 to 400 people a year in the country. All the contestants will receive governmental help to go back to school or to start a small business. The winner gets a new prosthetic limb.

MISS TIBET "Women with wisdom from the roof of the world."
Okay, so it's actually just a regular beauty pageant that happens in Tibet. But Tibetan exiles are pleased with the awareness it brings to the plight of the region. When asked if he approved of Miss Tibet, the Dalai Lama replied with a smile and a guffaw: "Why not?" His only criticism was that it was too one-sided. "I think there should be a Mr Tibet."

MISS HIV STIGMA FREE "Kick out stigma - promote tourism."
Botswana has one of the highest HIV prevalence rates in the world (24% of all adults). The Miss HIV Stigma Free reigning queen is expected to challenge misconceptions and stigma associated with people living with HIV/AIDS in the country. The winner travels around the country teaching the importance of testing and how to live positively with HIV. The aim of the competition is to show people living with HIV/AIDS that "even if you are HIV-positive, you can do things like others."

PAGEANT OF THE MASTERS
"Where art comes to life!"
Hail Laguna Beach:Ninety minutes of "living pictures" - incredibly faithful art re-creations of classical and contemporary works with real people posing to look exactly like their counterparts in the original pieces. I'm sure the real thing is great, and I intend to check it out this year. Failing that, I'll stick to my "Arrested Development" reruns, my foolproof prescription for "making the world a better place", or at least happily distracting me from the fact that there's a Miss Teen USA somewhere, talking.