food storage 101

1. One of my favorite things to do when I'm traveling is grocery shopping. Ask my friends about my giant bag full of Guatemalan Honey Monster cereals, or the borrowed duffel ready to burst with Haribo gummi Smurfs and Jägerschnitzel mix from Deutschland.

2. I have a tendency to collect food. I mean to eat it. Really. But I want the occasion to be perfect, shared with close friends who will fully appreciate the rare and hilarious qualities of the food I've brought at ridiculous spacial expense (hey, backpacks are small) from thousands of miles away. For whatever reason, these moments do not spring up nearly as spontaneously as necessary to keep up with the supply of weird food in my cupboard.

3. Three years ago, amid a rare cupboard reorganization campaign, roommate/photographer Amy hijacked a couple boxes of my foodstuffs. Mesmerized by the bizarre array, she took them to the studio to photograph. Nothing came of the photographic venture save some laughs, though she did send me this image of some of the raw files:

4. I realized that at least half of that food is still in my cupboard.

5. In an effort to be economical, especially since I don't intend to be in Los Angeles for many many more moons, I have decided to make myself eat my copious foreign and otherwise curious food supply. This has meant that in the past week, I have dined on the following:

- gingerbread waffles (delicious. 1 year old)

- Thai garlic noodles, sauteed (llgugll. 8 years old. 8!)

- curry udon (2 years old. I have 3 more packs)

- baba ghanoush (1.5 years old)

- carrot ginger soup (from Erin's aged cupboard, prior to her move)

Up next: the blackcurrent jelly (that's Irish for gelatin) that I bought in Ireland 5 years ago. And if you've any interest in some Guatemalan hot chocolate (made from a giant cinnamon-y chocolate tablet), just come on over.

soulless promotions

I just vomited inside. Twilight branding, used to sell Shakespeare? Emily found these in the B&N teen section and brought them to me for evaluation. They are now hidden behind English language books on the bottom shelf of the grammar section.

burger redux

Quite possibly the snobbiest thing I have ever done:

Yes, that's an 89 cent McDonald's hamburger. Yes, I brought a package of herbed Boursin cheese to spread on it. Yes, Mehgan laughed at me.

Winner of BRITISH 2009!!!!

I believe your congratulations are in order.

I found this in my inbox today:

Dear British 2009 Winner,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been Awarded the sum of
1,000,000.00 GBP in the British 2009 Program.

Contact email:telecom58@9.cn

Names:............
Address:..............
Country:.................
Age:..........
Sex:..............

A million pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

somewhere over the rainbow

24 July, Markleeville, CA. Stars aplenty. One general store in town to buy foodstuffs. Spinning rack of used novels near the freezer section. On the spinning rack, this:
After my initial foray into the romance genre with my Ralph's purchase of The Greek Tycoon's Blackmailed Mistress, I was intrigued. After reading the back of the book, however, I was captivated enough to make the purchase.

HIS FLIGHT OF FANCY
For seasoned pilot David Terrell, nothing seemed more foolish than flying into a rainbow to wish for a wife. But the down-to-earth widower would do anything for his little girl, Jamie, and she would settle for nothing less than a fairy-tale princess as a mother. So to humorhis six-year-old, David flew into the next rainbow he saw - and emerged in 1886 Wyoming.
HER POT OF GOLD
Analisa Ludke couldn't believe it when the man emerged - like a storybook prince - afrom the strange flying contraption. She welcomed David into her home and soon discovered that he was no mere fantasy. And as he struggled to return to his child, Analisa fought to understand the flood of emotions that engulfed her whenever he was around. Until she realized that David's lovecould take her to a place where dreams really do come true...ACROSS THE RAINBOW.

Guys. I had no idea there were so many subgenres in the romance genre. I was sort of captivated by the idea of historical romances, amused by the Harlequin "Babies Galore!" series, but the Timespell Timeswept Romance series blows my mind completely. These fantasies know no bounds, what with time travel an easy possibility and all.

Anyway, here are some select quotes from this fine work of literature, in case you won't take the time to be reading it yourself:

"Standing before him was a young woman who looked like every man's fantasy. Blond, beautiful, tall, with legs that went on forever. Her clothing was right out of a history book on the American West - kind of a Calamity Jane outfit of calico shirt, cotton twill pants, and a wide leather belt. She also held the reins of a huge, pale grey horse that resembled a knight's trusty steed."

"Or, she thought, easing into the chair he sat in each night, she could just leave with him. Forget her fears and fly off into the unknown future - perhaps. What if she couldn't leave her own time? David's presentation of his theories on time travel had made so much sense, and yet even he had to admit that no one knew how it worked for sure."

"She didn't belong with him, she knew, as the wind dried her cheeks almost as quickly as her tears fell, and she didn't belong in his century. They were from two different worlds, two times that should never have met except for a young girl and her belief in rainbows and happily ever after endings. This story would not have that kind of ending. Because as much as she didn't belong in David's world, she didn't belong to him." (you can guess what that's a setup for)

"Riding toward her was someone with dark hair and tanned skin, a plaid shirt that had once belonged to Jurgen, and tight denim pants. Oh, how she knew those denim pants."

"Perhaps she was tense from worrying. Her emotions had taken a beating since making love to David, getting ill, deciding to go with him, then worrying about her ability to leave her world behind. She'd gone through so much recently that she didn't trust her judgment any longer."

"'David, there's no rainbow!'
'We can't see the rainbow from up here. We aren't at the right angle. If everything happens like it did before, though, we should feel a tingling sensation and see rainbow colors just briefly as we pass from your time into mine.'"

On the last page:
"He folded his arms around her. 'I love you to*, my princess from the rainbow kingdom, more than you'll know in a thousand lifetimes.'"

*yes, "to." not "too." Please, someone, let me edit these. There were a few mistaken "it's" strewn about too. I mean, to.

6 weeks

1. rock climbing.

2. maxine memorial dim sum adventures.

3. a Hitchcock-themed film festival complete with a plane busting through the movie screen and killing a judge. Check out Jessica's entry in which my shoe goes flying at the end:


4. a last-minute superfast road trip to Orem UT, with stopovers in Mesquite for Keno and prime rib, and the Mad Greek Cafe in Baker for hummos and attempts to get pet phrases from The Greek Tycoon's Blackmailed Mistress translated.

5. judging a spelling bee (two ways to spell cockswain/coxswain).

6. roadtrip with Dave up to Tahoe for the Wanderlust festival. Read his account, and watch Gillian Welch and Jenny Lewis:


7. meteor showers with goats.

8. the end of infodesk duties for a young single adult conference which 10k californians attended.

9. actually losing my right flip flop on Batman at Six Flags on Thursday...after the ride was over. Retiring the left flip flop in the late night turbulent waters of Roaring Rapids.

life on the edge of the continent.

TJ, Mush and I began regular trips to Venice maybe 13 or 14 years ago, and we reunited there today. While we didn't see everyone's favorite boardwalk standard, the turbaned rollerskating electric guitar playing hanger-on, much remains unchanged since the days of our first visits. Flavorburst ice cream cones, two girls shooting up heroin, plenty of medicinal weed offerings, overpriced henna, cheap plastic stegosauri that growled, and these delights:

I need one of these for MazdaTron.

Did the missionaries do this? Nice tailoring of the message to the audience.

Need my palm read so desperately. By Zoltar or the lady whose cat has been telling fortunes since the 1970s. Come to think of it, I didn't see her out either.

A fellow was irritated with me for taking this picture because it infringed upon the rights to his work. I'm sure he licensed that photo of Kobe used in his LA skyline poster above.

Technicolor shemaghs...where were these in Yemen last year?